Fatherhood (L10)

This week we talked about both Fatherhood and Finances. In finances, we discussed having a budget and things like that. It was very beneficial and we used One for the Money as a resources that I would suggest to everyone. We talked about ways to involve your family in that process. Although I learned a lot from that, I don't feel as impressed to talk about it as much as I do about fatherhood. I wrote an essay about fatherhood and would like to use that as part of my blog today: As a woman, more specifically an LDS woman, I have grown up with lesson after lesson teaching and expounding upon not only the purpose of motherhood, but how to go about it as well. I learned to change diapers from a young age and was raised as a “mother-in-training.” In Primary, the boys had cooties and we were to stay away from them. In the youth program, the boys played sports and went on campouts. Then in college, they are meant to be preparing to be the perfect husband. I heard very little about fatherhood and my role as a wife in fatherhood. I was able to preview an excellent book, The Developing Child: Fatherhood by Ross D. Parke, that was able to help with my perspective on fatherhood. Not only did I learn some very important things from him, but I was able to reflect on experiences with my father and look forward to how I can help my husband be the best father he can be. I wish I was able to read the entire book by Parke, but the preview was also filled with some fantastic information. There were 5 things I found important or informative that I would like to touch on. First, mothers have an important role in encouraging their husbands to interact with their children. It doesn’t come naturally to all guys. Second, fathers should take classes with the mother wherever possible and they should definitely be there during the delivery of their child. We discussed this earlier in the semester, but I want to emphasize again how crucial this bonding time can be for the family. Third, I want to address how fathers become involved in his words. He says, “This system involves several levels of determinants—individual, familial, extrafamilial, and cultural.” (p. 76) These things are not individual and must be addressed as a group. The fourth one is for the women out there. We need to look for someone who has a strong relationship with their parents. It is not impossible for someone who has a weak relationship with his parents to be a fantastic father, but it does make it easier when he has grown up with strong examples. Last is for both parents to recognize. The attitude of the father is extremely important. Ladies, discuss a family before you decide to marry. Men, look where your attitude is toward fatherhood and strengthen it. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been considered a “Daddy’s girl.” I remember my grandmother teasing my dad and I would cry and yell, “Leave my Daddy alone!” My childhood is filled with memories of my father. For the first 6 years or so of my life, my dad managed a donut house. There were days when I would wake up on bags of donut mixes and he would be there, making or selling donuts. Sometimes he would dress me up as the baker for the regulars and show me off. There was a time when I thought that I didn’t love my mom as much as I did my dad. I was probably 5 or 6 and I distinctly remember sitting at the table and telling my mom that I did not love her as much as my daddy. I remember the disappointment my dad expressed to me that day. I haven’t even spoken with them about that time since. My dad told me when I was little that there would come a time that I would be embarrassed by him or I would feel like I didn’t love him as much. I refused to believe it. But, like it or not, the time came when I realized how distant I was from him. This happened especially during high school. I was making some poor choices and needed my parents terribly, but I wouldn’t let them in. I remember a time when I did not partake of the sacrament for a period of time and my dad was the first one to express interest. I felt that love for him and I knew how much it would hurt him to have his only girl making such mistakes. When I was finally able to open up with him about it, he was so loving and so kind. That really opened up the door to rebuilding our parent-child relationship. Now, I am dating a guy who is serving a mission at the time. I wasn’t ever really open with my parents about the guys I dated, but I was far more open with them about Harrison. My dad was actually on our “first date.” I went to see his football game with my dad and his. Harrison came to my house for our last date. After I said goodbye and watched him drive away, I went inside with tears running down my face (I’ve always had a hard time with goodbye’s.) My dad was the first one there to comfort me. As I have been making big decisions in my life, my “daddy” has been the one to help me through a lot of it. He is a huge support and has been a guide in my life, especially in these last few months. I am so blessed to be learning these things now, as I am preparing to be a wife and mother. Some (probably most) women have to figure out how to help their husbands as life is happening. I have the great blessing of learning how to help him early on. This process does not begin at birth, but before. It starts with the background and the attitude of my husband. I have a great responsibility to look into and discuss those things before commitments are made. Then, throughout the entire pregnancy, it is my job to help my husband feel part of the process. He can’t feel when the baby kicks, I can. So I need to share those moments with him. The more connected to our family he feels, the more anxious and willing he will be to become a father. As I mentioned earlier, it is crucial to have him there in the delivery room as well. He needs to be part of this process. After the children are born, there are things that I can do to help him be the best father he can be. It starts with little things, like having the house clean or dinner ready so he can focus on what’s most important instead of the chores of the day. It also involves discussing with him what it means to be a father. We can read the book I quoted earlier and study The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Heavenly Father understands the importance of fatherhood. If we are able to keep Him at the center of our lives, we will be able to follow his counsel. I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to learn and reflect about fatherhood. I was able to see it from a scientific perspective too, which was fantastic! Then I was able to reflect on my childhood and the role my father had in it. Finally, I planned for my future. I know that the role of father would be near impossible without the role of mother. I am anxious for the opportunity of parenthood.